Kender Toss

To Kipper the kender:

Please allow us to voice our opinion on the usefulness of kender.

It has been our experience that kender are indeed useful in an adventuring party. The kender that have traveled with us have been more of a source of amusement rather than an annoyance, especially during the mundane days between battles. They have been most willing to join in on team competitions of target practice and Kendertoss.

Make no mistake, the kender are not harmed during Kendertoss, and in fact they relish the feeling of flying through the air. The landing area is well chosen for its softness or depth (in the case of lakes, for those kender who are adept at swimming). Kendertoss also serves a dual purpose of preventing the kender from becoming bored and easing the tensions of the traveling party.

Rules of Kendertoss:

  1. Participants are split into two member teams with a kender (the designated tossee)
  2. A landing area is chosen preferably a soft marsh bed (quicksand is forbidden) or haystack (minus pitchforks and needles). Lakes are also acceptable provided the kender is a swimmer. Any area specifically designated by the kender is also acceptable.
  3. One member of the team grasps the kender firmly by the forearms, while the other team member grabs the kender by the ankles. For optimum range, a series of back and forth swinging motions should be executed before the final release sends the kender airborne.
  4. As the kender takes flight, team members alert other travelers in the area by yelling "Kender-tossed!"
  5. Maneuver is complete when kender lands or surfaces and distance measurement is taken.

This sport was devised when traveling through a dragon lair and discovering a cistern full of jewels. The cistern was deep and it was clear that if we entered the cistern to gather the jewels we would find it difficult, if not impossible, to get out. Our kender companion set to wailing about how he had never been in a pit of jewels and accusing us of never letting him do anything "fun." Our dwarven friend suggested tossing the kender over the edge and letting him "rot till Reorx comes home." My cousin and I, wishing to keep the peace, complied. To the enjoyment and amazement of all present the kender took to the jewel pit like a duck to water and began to fill his pouches with the multi-colored stones. The little fellow became so weighted with his booty that we had to fashion a block and tackle from rope and the bucklers on my scabbard. Our dwarven friend gruffly agreed to assist hauling the kender out, provided the kender agreed to contribute a goodly sum of his loot from the pit to the party's traveling fund. The dwarf punctuated this by allowing the rope to slip several times during the kender's ascent. The kender agreed readily, but we have reason to suspect that many of those stones have "accidentally" found their way back into his pouches.

Thank you for allowing us to share this opinion regarding kender usefulness with others, and we hope that other traveling parties can benefit from this pastime.

Regards, Lord of Shields, Lars Brightblade, Knight of the Crown Elder of Swords, Alton Swiftsure, Knight of the Sword

"Est Sularus oth Mithas"

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