The Press Conference by Alex Loke
JC, speaking for N’Sync yesterday affirmed that he would “sink that
bad boy like a six-pack”, a statement quickly revoked by his publicist
on the advice of JC’s long suffering rehabilitation councillor. Soth responded
in kind by invoking the stun power word on the obviously inebriated JC.
The obviously flustered members of N’Sync recovered to condemn Soth’s
actions. “That aint cool!” Joey Fatone later said, in a tearful complaint
to the IDWF (Inter-Dimensional Wrestling Foundation). “And I know what
cool is, old school!” The IDWF is apparently looking into the matter.
“I am unsure as to what exactly this ‘can of whup-ass’ they speak of
is, but it will be no match for my power.” Soth said. “They have no magic
bracelets, dragons or even a modicum of skill as musicians. My power is
absolute in all realms. I am feared across the planes of existence even
by the fearless Kender! Those who I command to fall shall fall. Those
I command to despair shall despair. I am confident I can make them cry
like Palanthian sissy-men. Britney shall be mine!”
Justin Timberlake, Britney’s eminent fiance and N’Sync’s youngest member,
could hardly contain his anger but managed to make a final parting statement.
“We’re ready. This cradle-snatchin’ punk must be mistakin’ us for Backstreet
Boys. N’Sync don’t back down for no one. We didn’t get this far by just
looking buff and using unnecessary contractions. We got this far by breakin’
the rules; except those rules contractually imposed by our record label
and their legal representatives, who have no say in said rules-breaking
and have not, in any way, forced me to supply the previous disclaimer.
I say, bring it! Don’t use drugs kids.”
Soth departed the conference in his carriage made of bone drawn by the
weeping souls of those who died in the Cataclysm, refusing further comment,
except to deny reports that he was currently residing in Ravenloft.